Reasons I love you: how to write them, with examples

A list of reasons you love someone is one of the oldest love notes there is, and one of the easiest to get wrong. Most first attempts read like a greeting card: you're kind, you're funny, you're beautiful. All true, and none of it sounds like you. This guide is about writing the other kind, the reasons they will read twice: what makes one land, a simple way to write ten, and plenty of examples to start from.

What makes a reason land

The reasons people keep are specific. They name a moment rather than a quality, something small rather than something grand, and they are written in the present tense, because they are still true. The easiest way to see the difference is side by side:

• Instead of "you're kind": "you gave your umbrella to the woman at the bus stop and walked home in the rain."
• Instead of "you're funny": "you still do the voice of our first landlord, and I still laugh every time."
• Instead of "you're supportive": "you read my application three times the night before it was due, and found the typo nobody else saw."
• Instead of "you're beautiful": "the way you look when you've just woken up and haven't decided yet whether to be in a good mood."

A good test: could this reason be about anyone else? If it could, look for the moment behind it. Kindness, humor and patience are the qualities; the moments are the reasons.

A simple way to write ten

• Spend ten minutes with your photos and your oldest messages. Note moments, not adjectives: the trip, the bad week, the joke, the meal.
• Write each one as a single sentence. Openings like "the way you…", "the time you…" and "how you…" pull you toward the specific.
• Mix the kinds: small daily habits, how they treat other people, the two of you, and one or two moments you will never forget.
• Read them aloud. Cut any that could be about someone else, and any that sound like a compliment rather than a memory.
• Choose an order. Start light, and keep the one that matters most for last.

Ten is plenty. A short list of true, specific reasons says more than fifty general ones, and it is easier to read slowly.

Examples to start from

Use these as starting points, not as a list to copy: the best reason you write will be one only you could have written. Change the details until they are yours.

Small, everyday things

• The way you hum when you cook, always the same three songs.
• You make my coffee before yours, even when you're late.
• You read the end of a book first and pretend you didn't.
• You leave the last bite for me without saying anything.
• How you check the weather for my day, not yours.
• You laugh at your own jokes before you finish telling them.
• The voice you use for the cat.

How they are with other people

• You remembered my mother's birthday before I did.
• You talk to waiters the way you talk to your friends.
• You call your grandmother every Sunday, and you actually listen.
• You are the first to help a friend move, and the last to leave.
• You never make anyone feel stupid for asking.

The two of you

• You still hold the door with your foot when your hands are full.
• We can be quiet together in the car for an hour and it is never awkward.
• You know which of my silences means "leave me alone" and which means "ask me".
• You plan our trips, and you always leave one afternoon with nothing in it.
• You make every argument end with us on the same side.
• You still text me when you land.

Moments you won't forget

• The night you drove four hours because I didn't want to be alone.
• How calm you were at the hospital, when I wasn't.
• The first time you introduced me as "my person".
• You learned to make my grandmother's soup, from a voice message.
• You stayed up with me the night before the exam I was sure I would fail.

After many years together

• You still look for me first when you walk into a room.
• You have become a better person, and you made me want to be one too.
• Our home sounds like you.
• You still surprise me.

When it is still new

• You asked about my day and waited for the real answer.
• You remembered the name of my childhood dog after hearing it once.
• With you, I don't rehearse what I'm going to say.
• You make ordinary Tuesdays feel like something worth remembering.

When you are far apart

• You stay on the phone until I fall asleep, even when it's morning for you.
• You send me photos of the sky so I can see the same one.
• You count down the days with me, out loud.

Mistakes to avoid

• Only their looks. One is lovely; a list of them reads like a review.
• Compliments with a sting: "you're much less messy than you used to be" is not a reason.
• Comparisons with anyone else, especially past partners.
• Promises instead of reasons. "I'll always be there" belongs in a letter; a reason is about them.
• Too many. Twenty pages are read once; ten good lines are kept.

How to give them

The way the reasons arrive is part of the gift. A list read in one go is lovely; reasons found one at a time last longer.

• Fold each one into a small note and fill a jar they open one day at a time.
• Hide them where they will turn up during the week: a coat pocket, a book, the car.
• Send one a day for ten days, at the same hour.
• Read them aloud at dinner on your anniversary, and give them the paper afterwards.

When to give them

Reasons suit an anniversary, Valentine's Day or a birthday, but they are often most moving for no occasion at all: after a hard week, before a long trip, or on an ordinary evening when nothing was expected. The less it is owed, the more it says.